April 2010
6 posts
Theme: Teeth
Even though they are small and probably taste like cheese, one should avoid pools filled with hungry pariahs.
Even Worse When You're High and Mighty
The elevator to Hell stops on every floor all the way down.
The Importance of Adjectives
Strange does not adequately describe the day that wheat crackers replaced the water pouring over the edge of Angel Falls.
Alleviated Awarelessness
The old, weather-beaten, soot-coated smoke stack was framed against a clear blue, early Spring sky. Old timers would walk by and suddenly think, “Where the hell did that come from?”
Polls
A higher percentage of people desire to yank on a goatee than the percentage who desire to be yanked on by a goat.
Logic
If it rained up, more people would probably tuck their pant cuffs into their socks.
March 2010
24 posts
Snowclones Without Borders
Get your f’ing X off my Y.
Doesn't Have the Same Ring
Devon Island ain’t the kind of place to raise your kids. In fact it’s cold as hell. And there’s no one there to raise them if you did.
Some Questions Should Never Be Asked
How can eyes be wandering while simultaneously riveted to a small swatch of cloth?
Well, duh!
If we drove on the other side of the road, we would have different accents.
New X-Games Sport
The addition of putt putt golf hazards would change the sport of Curling.
Sure... One May Be Cute
Beware of the Tennessean Flying Lobsters. They rarely travel alone.
Off the Beaten Expressway to Uselessness
Gardens are speed traps for entropy.
Not Quite Buffalo
Rubber rubber rubbers, rubber rubber rubbers rubber rubber rubbers rub rub rubber rubber rubbers.
The Sad Tale of the Specialist
Glancing with disdain at the edifice of her newly former employer as she made her way one last time to her car, she cursed the years and detail invested in the mannequin she now carried under her arm and wished that she had spent a little more time on a stand.
But Will They Stick on the Wall?
Flocks of birds draped the trees of the park like haphazardly cast spaghetti.
Online Dating
The query that brought you two together had more successful joins.
Aging
Each day’s experience is just another dab of stucco on the lobe of your brain.
Of Wolves and Robots
42 stalked down into the uncanny valley. She returned to the Druids with her fur matted in hydraulic fluid and a carcass of spent electronics in her mouth.
The Adventures of Carmichael the Earthworm
It was not the cold, dry winds that bothered Carmichael the Earthworm, but rather the numerous tumble irons rolling by with their dials set to ‘Linen’.
Carpe diem
If you are going to hawoof, then do it with gusto!
Tantrum
Quite striking are they, the hands of an innocent.
Bikemageddon
The chain of storms snapped and rained down metal links, grease, dirt, and oil across the countryside.
Dessication
Nothing like a bottle full of Nine Year Old Bdelloid rotifer dust after a hard night of drinking.
Cheersport
It was not the outfits or the rhymes, but rather the acrobatics that concerned the Moms of the new Cheersport for window washers team.
Unused Band Name
Ben and the Foul Maw Curs
Tale of the Hidden Contrarian
Shock fell upon concerned faces as the well financed confirmand screamed over the din of steel drums, sitars, and didgeridoos, “There is no world music!”
Streaks
The windshield wipers of the soul are covered in a film of misplaced priorities.
The Title of This Post is Much Longer Than the...
See?
Future road rage accessory
60,000 psi water laser.
February 2010
23 posts
Cars That Live in Glass Garages
Peer into the narrow window down at street level and see into the soul of a taxi cab floorboard.
It Is All Moving by You Boringly in an IFRAME
Internet memes, planted like bushes, line the highway.
Collaterally
The heavily bearded cyclist had over-developed spit muscles.
As the Elevator Swayed Upon the Addition of a New...
“The pizza went pretty fast today,” he said to her.
Adventure Tourism Idea
Archaeological digs along the river Styx.
Snapshot - Uncertain
Early morning. Couple at the end of a driveway. She with coffee talks and gestures. Wooden, he stands.
Cognitive Dissonance
I have two clocks by my bed. They are one minute different. I have a hard time sleeping.
Devil's Rope
Trees can not be fenced in.
How to Call It the Way You Think You Should See It...
Giraffes make a “Wooo! Wooo!” type of noise.
Terrestrial fauna of the Cretaceous world (A Time...
Rumposaurs were noted for their decidedly red posteriors.
Stacked Buses
Bus checkers wouldn’t work in my town; kings would hit the power lines.
Crouching Tigers
They’re killer diller when they’re dressed to the hilt.
Muted Sound of Winter
The radio tower bent under the weight of the ice that had formed. Even the electromagnetic waves emanating from the tower were slumped. Everyone had to turn up the volume on their radios.
Eureka Not
Some of the biggest discoveries of a dog owner are the hardest to scrape off.
Warriors
What the proud, wooden telephone pole thought of as regal chain mail, was actually only rusty staples.
Conviction
Random, unrestrained zoo animal encounters may or may not increase public transportation use.
How to really confuse and frighten your...
Load your homemade cannon with partially clothed Barbie dolls.
Epiphany
One day, I suddenly realized that I was driving the wrong way.
Another sport passed over by the Olympics
Collapsing-stacks-of-ceramic-dinner-plates surfing.
Groupthink - Buddhist Style
Everyone, in a past life, was a famous lemming.